How do you find Mr or Mrs Right?

Last Sunday it was Saint Patrick’s day and it got me thinking about luck. It’s been said that being lucky is the greatest gift you can have. But do you consider yourself to be lucky?

If not, and you want to change your luck, do you have a lucky charm that you can bring into play? Yes I know we laugh at people with lucky pants or a silver coin in their pocket but this research shows that athletes perform better when they have their lucky charm with them! 

Maybe you’re lucky in certain areas of life but not when it comes to love. If you’ve kissed your quota of frogs and just can’t find the right person, maybe it’s time to turn off your filter.  Filter! What filter I hear you ask – yes you did!

Every day the human brain takes in the equivalent of 34Gb of information. 34Gb!!  That’s enough to overload a laptop in a week. You’ve all heard about the giant strainer that filters plastic out of the sea, right?  Well our brains work in the same way. To keep us sane, and stop our heads exploding, our brains have to filter all that information. Our eyes see everything but our brain selects what we are aware of. 

I remember the excitement of buying what I thought was a very special and highly original jacket. But from that day on, it seemed like every time I went out there was someone wearing the same jacket ( and it looked better on them!). That was my brain filtering. I wasn’t in the market for a jacket so before I bought it, my brain paid no attention to jackets. BUT once I’d made the purchase – oh boy that’s all I saw!

The same thing happens when we’re looking for a partner. You have a set idea of what your perfect partner looks like, how they behave, how they dress, the job they have etc. and your brain’s filter is on the case, working hard to match the people you meet, against your criteria. In social situations it’s constantly collecting information about everyone in the room and making that judgement call, searching for your perfect partner! There’s several theories about how our wish list develops but the important thing is, we have one and it influences how our brains filter information.

“You’ll never get a second chance to make a great first impression”. We’ve all heard that adage before but just how long does it take to decide whether we like someone or not? Research shows it’s literally the blink of an eye; less than a second. Interestingly, any further information we receive about that person rarely changes that first impression but  it can confirmit!

For some people their filters aren’t serving them well and they consistently choose the wrong partner.  To get around this one you have to  

  1. consciously resetting your filter
  2. allowing others to filter for you. I know that sounds dangerous but this is how dating agencies work. And how many couples you know met because they were introduced by friends?  Someone who knows you both, is filtering on your behalf. Bless them.
  3. Turn your filter off all together or redirect it to other things. Couples often meet when they’re on holiday, enjoying a hobby or trying something new. Our filter is focussed elsewhere and so people pop up in our lives that we wouldn’t normally see as a potential partner.

So if you’re looking for Mrs or Mr Right, shake up your routine and connect with all sorts of people:  volunteer for something you feel passionate about; attend a lecture on why chocolate makes us smile; offer to help someone cross the road (but makes sure they want to cross first);  say hello to the person standing in the same really, slooooow queue at the checkout.

Enjoy life and when you’re least expecting it, that special person will step into your life and boy oh boy, you’ll be ready.